Got to love the weekend!

Well today has been an okay day so far. I got up at regular time (6:40), showered and headed up to daddy's house. Every year I get elected to go christmas shopping with dad for all the grand children. Not that this is a problem because I get some quality alone time with my dad. But he wants to do everything early in the morning and I would love to sleep in. But I will sacrafice my sleep time so I can hang out with dad. It went well. We are not even close to being finished and we made more noise in the stores than we actually shopped. I took my daughter with us and without her even knowing we did some of her shopping today as well. My brothers daughter is alittle older than mine so it is easy to play it off as her stuff. I had to call my brother this afternoon after going through his kids lists. His daughter(9) asked for the Eminem CD. Ummm NO. I told him if he feels that she is allowed to listen to that crap then he can buy it himself. As we where shopping I noticed that Rainbow Bright has made a comeback. It is so strange that all the toys from my past are starting to appear again. I would much rather my daughter play with older toys then some of the new ones that are out there. I am waiting for Street Walker Barbie to hit shelfs at any time now. They already have a pregnant one, why not a hooker. The things that they actually sell these days amazes me.
So While out shopping I found a wool jacket for my dog. And a hat that has antlers. Of course I bought them. I dont want her getting sick this winter, she is a little doggie, I dont want her belly getting frost bite.
I have no clue what tonight brings at this point. I havent talked to hunny all day. He made me frustrated beyond belief last night and I am in no rush to talk to him right now. So hope everyone elses weekend is going ok. Will update again soon.

A First For Everything

Well this is my first time blogging. I feel I have to explain why I started blogging in the first place. I have issues, who doesn't right? My mind runs constantly and it seems I have random thoughts all day that I would like to say out loud but either don't want to hurt someone's feelings or I feel I sound like a broken record. So I have decided to come here and write a blog. A little about me. I am a single mother. I work 40 hours a week at a dead end job(well at least that is how I feel today). So I guess you could say I am doing this to keep sane. To have a place to call my own I guess. Somewhere to go when I want to be by myself with my thoughts.This will be my space to express how I feel without hurting anyone, also noone here knows me personally so I feel here I cannot be judged. So blogging I will go.

I Believe I Have Met My Match

Part of the reason I started this blog is my relationship. It is so strange sometimes. My boyfriend who we will call Hunny from here on, is a very difficult man. He has crones disease and he is generally in pain and cranky. We have been together for about a year in a half now and it seems nothing has changed between us. He is very independent and I am somewhat needy. I am not needy to the point that I need to be with him at every moment of every day. I am just one of those people that need to feel like they are wanted. I have been voicing my opinion to him over and over but it doesn't seem to help matters much. In the past year we have only gotten into a few arguments and they have been about stupid stuff. I know where he is all the time and I know he is not out messing around. But I want more. We only see each other 2 days a week and it has been that way throughout the entire relationship. I know he is sick and in pain but I try to explain to him that if we are going to have a life together it is something I am going to have to deal with sooner or later. I know crones is not a pretty disease believe me, but He is 34 years old and he wants to wait till he figures out his life before we have one together. Umm if he doesn't know by 34 then how much longer is this going to take. I do not want to waste my life with someone who doesn't want a future with me, I have a child involved, not his but she is still involved. I love his family and my family likes him. I have been thinking lately that it is time to walk away. Give him a choice and if it is not one I like then walk. I know it sounds selfish to a point but I have a child and I am ready to settle down. I want a family. These are all things we discussed when we met. We are both very stubborn and thick headed sometimes. I don't want to force him into anything but I feel I deserve more than 2 days aweek. He is not currently working due to his illness, so in a way I feel he should have more time for us. I try to go over when I can but he lives in a studio type apartment and my child had nothing to do there. It is not somewhere that she can just go do her own thing there is no room. I am probably sounding whiny right now, but I just dont know what to do. I love hunny, I really do, and I want a life with him. But I am feeling like I deserve more right now. I need more right now. I just wish he would understand. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but then nothing ever changes. It frustrates me so much. I will have to stop thinking about it tonight, I am getting a headache.